Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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