I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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