My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
