I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
