i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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