I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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