I swear god or herbie drove my car home
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
