1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
