You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
