call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
