i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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