tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
