Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
