My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
