she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
