She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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