Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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