Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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