Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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