shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize