Rock
Scissors
Fuck
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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