Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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