"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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