nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
