We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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