Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
