D3 body, D1 cock
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I queefed so loud it echoed.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We have so much sex to catch up on
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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