I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The uberlube is also flammable
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
