Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
