what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
