You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
