are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
