he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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