these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
