Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
