I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
