Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
