I just made out with a guy for $7.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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