Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
