Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
