I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
