I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
