mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
