he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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