sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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