thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
