I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
