A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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