Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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