Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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