I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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