Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
