So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
