dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize