so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
