I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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