Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
