I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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