forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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