smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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