just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Randomize
