dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
