$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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