I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
birth control should be required to get into college
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
