There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
