I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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