lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
